Rector's blog

Delighted to say that our guests have safely arrived: Sharron, Don, Dumane, Cebo, Vinet and Stella. I was rather shocked to read on the web that the flight was expected to land 30 minutes early. So we had to drive full speed around the M25. In the end, the flight was on time.

But then the first glitch! Although we were standing right by Passport Control, we missed them... until I received a polite phone call from Sharron "where are you?!" We were only 10 yards away facing in the wrong direction.

Anyway, they are here and they had a good flight. The children are very excited, and all our spirits are high. I will be writing regularly about their visit, not least because people from Springs, South Africa, follow our website. So, to all of you, greetings. We will look after Sharron and the others very well.

There are two well-known phrases that do NOT occur in a wedding service.  According to the Prayer Book (modern or old) the priest does not say “you may now kiss the bride”.  Yet, I found myself saying that phrase on Friday in St Mary’s – solely because the groom had asked me at the rehearsal to do precisely that.  And, secondly, the couple do not say “I do”.  Though that simple sentence occurs in many films, the words the couple are meant to say are “I will”.

The vows are a declaration of their will – not merely a description of what they plan to do. Loving, comforting, honouring, protecting and being faithful are not merely 5 items to put on your list for “what I would like to do this weekend”.  They are rather things that will shape your behaviour and attitude.  Fulfilling your marriage vows only happens if you bring all your energy, intention, thoughtfulness and compassion to bear.  That’s what makes the vow a declaration of your will.  I hear echoes of this in the words from Jesus (borrowed from the Old Testament) where he affirms the commandment to love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength.  

 But we should not downplay too much what we actually do – the road to Hell being paved with good intentions.  Certainly, the Jewish tradition is much stronger on recognising that actions are the way we display our faith, our hope, and our belief.  I was reminded of this on Sunday morning at the early service when the Gospel reading was the parable of the Good Samaritan.  The lawyer asks “what shall I do to inherit eternal life?”  And Jesus concludes, after the parable, “Go and do the same”.  William Blake’s words about the importance of loving ‘in minute particulars’ come to mind.  We fulfil our vows of commitment by daily doing simple actions, even if they need to be recognised as flowing from a deeper source.

So, on Friday afternoon, the newly married husband did something embarassing in front of the congregation of 130 cheering and applauding friends.  Perhaps he was right to ask me (silently) “What shall I do?”  And perhaps I was right to say “You may/will now kiss the bride”.

Christmas may be a busy season full of both services and events. Easter is a testing season with emotional lows and highs. But September is a difficult month. I’ve always known that but not really understood the reasons. I suppose it’s partly because, since early July people have been saying, “let’s not do XYZ before the summer break; we’ll get back to it in September”. So this month carries the burden of 3 months packed activity. But I think there’s more to it than that.

Do you remember the old style wind-up record players? You had to set a different speed for different types of records. Playing a 45rpm record at 33 sounded just as awful (and funny) as doing it the other way round. Perhaps September is a month that needs to be lived at different speeds.

It’s a month of sparkling activity; a time when we can still enjoy being outside in the warmth. So this parish has already hosted the brilliant Guildford Shakespeare Company evening. On Saturday, there is a pilgrimage walk with Brian in South London, followed by Cadenza singing at Southwark Cathedral. Then we’ve got our South African friends with us for 10 days, including a barn dance and summer party. Much to enjoy!

It’s a month for preparation as well – a new academic year; Christmas as well as 2012 is just over the horizon. But it is also a month to reconnect with people. And this is what I have noticed more clearly this year. I need to spend time tending friendships, attending to people I have not seen recently – not merely in busy activity, and plotting the way ahead. But you have to ‘tend’ at a slower speed than other activities – you cannot rush being present with people. If you do, they may feel used. If you don’t friendships are strengthened and trust grows.

Living September at the right speed needs careful attention.

In July we had a great family holiday in Verona: a week of sunshine, good food, marvellous moments of discovery, leisurely family meals and time for quiet reading.  The sun shone on us, literally and metaphorically.  One day, as we were visiting a church, I was walking down the aisle and so could not escape the person coming towards me.  It would have been too obvious and rude suddenly to turn around.  I recognised her and she recognised me from Guildford.  We exchanged brief words, as clearly we both were on holiday and did not want to interrupt that.  But she did tell me that there was a school trip from Guildford in Verona that day, with a full orchestra and choir.  So I was rather nervous about leaving the church, thinking that I might now bump into hundreds of people from my working life.  But, as we returned to our villa, we only spotted one familiar face.

However, yesterday a friend from the congregation who was there in Verona on this school trip, told me that for the rest of that day he had girls come up to him saying “we’ve just seen Mr Cotton here!”  Although I had not seen others, clearly I had been spotted many times over.  Perhaps people are aware of us far more than we are aware of our influence on others.

This morning I went into Holy Trinity Pewley Down School to meet the whole staff at the beginning of the new school year.  I wanted to offer some encouragement on this day of mixed feelings.  Everyone seemed both a bit excited about beginning the adventure of a new academic year, and also a bit weighed-down by this being the day of transition between summer holidays and the routine of working life again.  So I put this to them: perhaps they have far more influence on the children they teach than they will readily recognise.  Presumably each teacher will profoundly connect with 1 or 2 in their class each year, and for the rest the relationship will be fairly normal.  Nevertheless, I encouraged them to have confidence that what they do matters to all the children they come into contact with, and that their influence is likely to be far more wide-ranging than they will know themselves.

I also told them about the forthcoming visit of our friends from South Africa.  As well as giving these 4 children from the townships a very positive experience of being in England with us for 10 days, we are investing in their future, and in the future of all the people that they will affect over the next 70 years.  We will all see what happens to them during the 10 days here; we have to trust in the importance of what we do not see.

I believe any disciple must be ready to be an icon, a public face of the Christian faith, a window into the life of God.  This role is not reserved only for Christian leaders.  Others are watching the pattern of our living, even when we are blissfully unaware.

Welcome back!  August is nearly over.  Whether you have been away or remained in Guildford throughout the summer, this is the season for gathering together again.  The Rector’s Blog is now back in action.  I intend to write about twice each week, so that we can keep in touch with what is going on, personally and as a parish.

For some of us, one of the summer highlights will have been the Choir Tour to Exeter Cathedral.  Once again, a large group from the parish benefitted from spending quality and leisurely time together: lots of conversations, meals, visits, sport, prayers and laughter.  The music and services were inspiring: it is such a joy and privilege to worship in an ancient building.  The Cathedral Chapter and stewards were very welcoming and clearly took delight in our presence.  To have the support of parents and other “hangers-on” (a term that is meant to be complementary) is fantastic.

I return to Guildford to find road works in the centre of town with the most marvellous road sign: ‘Bus lane suspended.  Use bus lane’.  After a moment’s thought, I knew what they meant.  How easy it is for our words and actions somehow not to convey what we intend.  Even if we try to “walk our talk” it does not happen.  My all-time favourite road sign could be seen as you entered a long stretch of motorway road works: ‘Emergency toilets: 20 miles’.  They were trying to be helpful.  But if you have ever travelled with a child screaming “I want to go now”, that sign would only cause wry amusement.

The highlight in September will be a visit by Rev Sharron Dinnie and others from South Africa.  Sharron is the Rector of Springs and runs the project called Kwasa that we have been supporting for a number of years.  Kwasa has a crèche, a pre-school and an after-school club, as well as various informal groups that help adults from the townships.  Sharron will be comingfrom September 20^th to 30^th with Don, her husband, and four children from Kwasa.  Please be ready to greet and welcome them.  Sharron has made it very clear that one of the most deeply rooted and long-lasting ways of tackling the scourge of poor housing, bad education and HIV is to grow hope.  Bringing these children to England is an expression of friendship, a sign that we believe in their future and a confident declaration that together we have hope.

Ever since we have been associated with the Diocese in South Africa I have tried hard to ensure that our words and actions carry the message we intend (unlike those road signs).  We have always said that our relationship is mutually beneficial, based on friendships between equal partners.  But, whilst we all recognise that the money will flow only one way, it is so easy to fall into the mistake of letting that colour our partnership of equals.  Twice when I have travelled to the Diocese to lead some Clergy education, I have had to be very careful both to offer something fresh and worthwhile, and to acknowledge the importance and relevance of their ministerial experience.  Sometimes I know that I have said things that come across as patronising.  I did not mean to, but the words have just come out with the wrong meaning.  So I am looking forward to seeing Sharron and Don once again, and to meeting the children, because I know that I will benefit and learn from them.

Let’s enjoy this visit, not anxious because we will be with friends.  This visit is an expression of hope, confident that as we travel together we can be part of building a better world.